I'm off...

...to Exploration 2006! This trip totally snuck up on me (as did Thanksgiving break), and it's hard for me to realize the next time I'm really back at Drew, there will be only two more weeks left of class. Two more weeks and oh-so much to do...

But anyhow, yesterday I was thankful for class being cancelled (the benefit of AAR!), and for getting my free turkey at Shoprite! w00t!

Today, I will do the repeat and be thankful for caffeine.

In other news, I plan on reading Peter Rollins' book on the plane. From what I heard from him, he's right on target with a lot of things that I value, like the theology of being able to stay in the same room together, or the idea that one becomes a Christian continually, and that notion of becoming Christian means becoming into our own more truthful existence. Like Wesley's notion of "going on to perfection" (though I can't take the credit for making that leap; a friend pointed out that connection in the course of conversation). I now have a signed copy of his book, and floating around between four of us is a copy of the ikon music CD. Rollins played a selection from it in the context of chapel service, and it was quite powerful, and I'm very interested in listening to the rest of it.

Thankfulness - November 15th

Man, am I getting lazy.

Yesterday, I was thankful for being able to sleep in a bit and for being able to attend part of a class where Peter Rollins spoke. It was highly intriguing, and makes me want to read How (Not) to Speak of God even more now! Actually, one of the members of the class is giving me her copy of the book, which I am very thankful for as well.

Though Ben has it right now. :-P

Whom do we serve?

“How many congregations believe they are in the ‘we exist for ourselves’ business rather than the ‘we are in mission to the community, even the world’ business? How many congregations confuse ‘the way we have done things for decades’ with the ‘larger apostolic purposes’? How many congregations mistake the means for the ends?” (Healthy Congregations, 70)

In my opinion, this is the most important problem facing the church today. It doesn’t matter where we stand on homosexuality, on gender issues, or anything else. If we exist to serve ourselves, set apart in our religious enclaves, then we are doing no one any good: not God, not the denomination, not ourselves, and certainly not our communities. It’s more than a matter of the church being the only institution that exists for those who are not a part of it (because that implies that our sole aim is to seek more members), but a matter of the church existing to transform our communities and the world.

(Note: I might have some of the details in this story wrong, but the general gist is the same) I remember my dad recently telling me this story about a cluster gathering he was at. They were talking about possibilities of reaching out to single mothers in the area. As he was telling me this story, I thought – great! Finally, the churches in our area getting out and doing something! But as he progressed, I became disheartened again. These clergy people were brainstorming some novel ideas: low cost or free day care centers, a support group, and volunteer after-school care, to name a few. He told me that all these ideas sounded great, but that he was the only one who suggested that they go out and actually talk to single mothers to see how the church could serve them. It bothered me that these clergy folk never came up with this simple idea of actually going out into the community to figure out what these people truly wanted, and instead imagined their need, and how the church could fix it.

I know it takes a lot to change this energy in the church. Most congregations have a social club mentality, and that’s not what the gospel is about. The gospel is about transforming lives, communities, nations, and the world. It isn’t about promoting a dogmatic message, or forcing people to come to church, but about service for no other purpose than to show God’s love. It’s about being with the people through their times of suffering. It’s in bringing about God’s kingdom, and that isn’t going to happen if we don’t go out into the world, talk to people, and serve them.

In short, I think most churches today, even if they pretend not to, actually exist and serve themselves.

Thankfulness - November 12th and 13th and 14th

On Sunday I was thankful I didn't have a sinus infection. On Monday, I was thankful that my cold was (mostly) gone, and that I could venture into the city with friends for...

...wedding dress shopping!

Today, I am thankful for coffee (even though we didn't stay out late at all).

[EDIT: OK. I actually didn't have coffee today (though that doesn't mean I can't be thankful for it!) I actually managed the whole day (the whole, tiring, stressful day) without touching a drop of caffeine. Aren't you all proud of me?

On the flip side, it is now time for bed...after I read some Barth. Well, if Barth doesn't put me to sleep first. Good old Uncle Karl.]

No sinus infection!

I just* got back from the health center; apparently I don't have a sinus infection! It's just...a cold. I'm supposed to drink lots of fluids, salt water gargle, take some ibuprofen for headaches if I get them, and sit tight. She discouraged me from taking too much decongestant (only when I need it), because it inhibits the drainage process or something like that. So I need to take it (relatively) easy and it should be completely gone in a couple of days.

I called my pastor yesterday, who was wonderfully sympathetic. I didn't come into church, and cancelled youth group. I seriously debated going ahead with youth group, but I don't want to infect people, and I should learn sometime to take care of myself better.

Everything is just about together in my new place. Went out for a quick Target trip to get some drugs (I had to get more today) and a card table so I have something I can eat on. Because of course, people who live in a commuter room (which this technically is) don't need to eat on anything. Bought some Draino today too because my sink is strongly clogged, and I've now got it down to a smaller clog. Enough so that I can actually wash dishes.

Nothing profound at the moment.

*by just, I mean a few hours ago.

Thankfulness - November 11th

Honestly, I didn't do much today aside from a bit of unpacking, napping, and whatnot. I got a lot of rest today, but my sinuses are still quite clogged. I went to the store and bought...

...nighttime cold medicine, which is what I'm thankful for today. I sure hope it helps me sleep, as anything would be better than the sleep I've gotten in the past couple of nights.

Thankfulness - November 10th

I have a big one here: Thank God for a New Apartment!

I was able to move this afternoon (even though I didn't think I was going to hear anything until Monday). Ben and I assembled a team, and got everything moved in about 3 hours (and I hadn't even packed anything either!) So another place to live is a huge blessing, as are the friends that helped me move.

Especially because...I'm still sick. I might have wiped myself out...but it is so worth it.

:-)

Thankfulness - November 9th

Today, I am sick. I have a head cold that is draining me of energy and causing me to constantly grab for the tissue box and down large quantities of diet ginger ale. Being sick makes me miss home, and Mom's chicken soup (which is oh-so-delicious). So, in honor of that, I am thankful for...

Mom! Who e-mailed me her chicken soup recipe (and allowed me to bother her in a meeting so I could figure out which ingredients I needed to purchase at the grocery store).

(I guess, by proxy, I'm thankful for Dad, who answered the phone at said meeting. ;-) )

Thankfulness - November 8th

I’m going to take my own advice. This month, in preparation for Thanksgiving, I will be posting each day one thing that I am thankful for; one thing I believe God has blessed me with. I encourage you all to do the same, and please feel free to share with me (and with others) as well!

Today, I am thankful for friends who are willing to go above and beyond in order to help those who need it. I have been the recipient of such love, care, and support for the past couple of days from a couple of very dear friends, and it has alleviated some of the personal stresses I have been experiencing this entire semester. God has truly worked through them – just knowing that with them I have a safe and sacred relationship is wonderful and amazing.

Autumn Days...

Here is my first ever pastor's article for the Westwood Newsletter! It just came out, so I thought I would share it with you all.

I must confess – fall is my favorite season. I love the colors, the smells of pumpkin bread and hot apple cider, and (if I was in Maine) the mid-November flurries. I enjoy the autumn breezes that swirl the leaves around, and the cool, crisp air that promises winter will be here before we know it. Because of this, and for many other reasons, I love the Thanksgiving holiday.

Thanksgiving at my house tends to be a small affair, with immediate family and a few close friends. I enjoy being in a warm house with all sorts of delicious smells wafting from the kitchen, surrounded by people I care about. The fireplace is often crackling, and Mom has been baking and cooking all week. We eat a late turkey dinner, let the tryptophan kick in, and then Dad and I retire to the living room to watch the all-important Thanksgiving Day football games. Everything about that day makes me truly thankful for what God has given to me.

Nowadays, I think Thanksgiving is overlooked by our culture, getting lost in between Halloween and the December holiday season. Even though Halloween has just past, malls and department stores will be decking the halls and preparing for the Christmas holiday rush by pushing the latest toys, the bestseller books, the top CDs, and the must-have electronic devices. In this way, Thanksgiving becomes just a part of the countdown to the Christmas season; stores will have their “Thanksgiving Day Sales,” enticing consumers to kickoff the holiday shopping season the day after Thanksgiving. Even the crowning moment of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is Santa Claus, not Tom the Turkey.

While there is something to be said for getting into the holiday spirit early, I think the Thanksgiving holiday deserves more focus – particularly for us as Christians. It is a time to sit with loved ones and a time to reflect and be thankful. We gather as friends and family around the table to remind ourselves of the many blessings God has bestowed upon us. And it is also a time to remember those among us who are less fortunate, and to share what we have with them.

Thanksgiving not only affords us the opportunity to be thankful for what we have on that particular day, but also to take that thankfulness and carry it with us each and every day. So I invite you this month as we approach Thanksgiving Day to name one blessing you are thankful for each day. It could be a phone conversation with a friend, having your favorite food for dinner, spending a quiet evening at home, or watching your favorite sports team win a game. Whatever it is, name it, and offer it as a prayer of thanksgiving to God. Let this spirit of thankfulness be the way we prepare our hearts for the coming holiday season.

Grace and Peace,

Melissa

My wet hiney...

Automatic toilets need to be banned. They waste water because they flush while you are still sitting on them (thus, requiring another flush). They vascillate between the extremes of not sensitive enough to movement (not flushing when you leave the stall), or too darn sensitive (thus giving your rear a second shower).

Gahhhhhh! Stupid toilets.

[EDIT: For those RevGal folks finding this post, I feel like I should have made this post more theological by using one of my fiance's favorite metaphors: Jesus as the heavenly toilet who flushes our sins away... :-)]

Dear world

Dear world,

I know you have e-mailed, called, and otherwise tried to communicate with me for the past few days. I want to tell you, world, that I am sorry I have been out of touch, but life has been busy. Namely, school has been busy. But once I have finished my midterm and my journal for class, I will write back, call back, and make myself more available to you.

Love,

Melissa

NEJ Great Leadership Event: Worship Thoughts

(Aside: this was intended to be posted on Saturday, but Blogger was being rather frustrating that day, and so I was unable to post it. So....imagine me on Saturday writing this as opposed to me on Tuesday).

Right. So I was a bit naive in thinking that I would actually have the time to do any serious blogging this week. One supervised ministry journal, one systematic paper, reading galore, 3/5 of a systematic midterm, a children's sermon, and a letter later, I'm spent for the week. My brain is jelly, and I'm looking forward to some mindless Neverwinter Nights gameplay.

Unfortunately, because I was so busy, I wasn't able to enjoy the Tipple-Vosburg lectures at Drew. For those of you who don't know, T-V is a huge lecture series with many distinguished speakers that's tied in with alumni reunions. They played around with chapel time a bit (which I was a bit miffed about, sure, sure, move chapel on Wednesday so it's during class so you can have someone give an academic lecture during normally scheudled chapel time...) and moved it on Thursday to the Baldwin Gym to accomodate both Drewids and those there for the T-V. Worship was...nice, nothing spectacular. Singing in the seminary choir was the best thing about it, for me.

Worship in the UMC tradition, I find, is consistently sub-par. I find that individual churches tend to do better with worship than bigger conferences do (although, I've visited more than a few churches that have terrible worship). Worship at the NEJ Great Leadership event borderlined disastrous for me at one point. On Friday evening, Zan Holmes preached this inspiring sermon and had the energy level up in that convention hall so high, I felt like the congregation could spontaneously burst forth into song at any moment. Instead of some rousing hymn, this sermon was followed by a responsive reading that would have been better placed elsewhere in the service, by a woman who told us to be enthusiastic in our reading. It felt like a helium balloon had just punctured. We then sang an odd, but up-beat arrangement of Standing on the Promises that I liked, but it just didn’t fit the overall character of the service. We then ended with a beautifully haunting and mysterious sung communion liturgy that was set in a minor key. But…it shouldn’t have been placed after Zan Holmes preaching!

Saturday morning’s service was a bit better constructed, although time constraints but a limit on how much we could do, I’m sure. Some songs that we sung I felt were cut short…and Jikelele (an African song that’s really laid-back and swingerish) together in a service with Montana (lyrics here, it’s an up-beat, dance-like song) didn’t fit for me.

I really feel like worship leaders in our conferences need some training when it comes to the overall energy of a worship service and how to manipulate that energy. They tend to be good when carrying an image through the entire service, but not so good about making the worship tie in together. For me, it’s far more satisfying to have a worship service that is consistent in its energy movement than one that is thematic but jumps from high to low. I don’t presume to be an expert in worship leadership by any means, but I’m speaking as one who enjoys a well put-together worship service.

Cookie Calorie Counting

Conversation had at community lunch by the cookies:

Me: Mmm...cookies...
Chapel Director to Me: If you eat the ones with the cranberries in them, they're zero calories because it's fruit.
Me to Chapel Director: And because they're broken, and all the calories have fallen out.
Professor with a grin on her face: If you tell a lie, and then succeed to get someone else to participate in the lie, then...it ceases to become a lie.
Chapel Director: Yeah, then it becomes tradition!

I'm here!

I've had a lot of thoughts lately that merit blogging about (for both here and the livejournal), but I haven't had sufficient space (time and otherwise) to actually spill out anything from my brain, through my fingers, and onto the computer screen. Therefore, I'll just give the highlights (and perhaps some previous for upcoming posts):

• Being home for part of fall break and Why I Love New England
  
• Northeast Jurisdiction's Great Leadership Event Conference in Valley Forge, PA on Friday and Saturday (and why conference worship in the UMC is generally sub-par, and why the church still doesn't quite get it when it comes to young adults)
• Musing about altar flowers
• ...and other things that I am thinking about but don't quite know how to articulate.

So: suffice it to say that I am alive and well, though oh-so busy, and I will hopefully have a post or two by the end of the week.

Processed God

In class conversation (over AIM, and we're both invisible and so not talking to anyone else): We're talking a bit about Process Theology...and this is my understanding of the God that Process Theology creates.

Melissa: you can come to the God as "friend" conclusion w/o having a processed God
Ben: I agree
Melissa: I like that expression
Melissa: "Processed God"
Melissa: Like...processed cheese
Melissa: or meat
Ben: processed
Ben: and therefore palatable and edible for human consumption

Poem to share - the Trinity

This poem is at the beginning of a chapter in She Who Is by Elizabeth Johnson on the triune nature of God. It captured my attention, so I thought I would share it all with you. It's by Brian Wren.

Who is She, neither male nor female, maker of all things,
only glimpsed or hinted, source of life and gender?
She is God,
mother, sister, lover: in her love we wake, move, grow,
are daunted, triumph and surrender.

Who is She, mothering her people, teaching them to walk,
lifting weary toddlers, bending down to feed them?
She is Love,
crying in a stable, teaching from a boat,
friendly with the lepers, bound for crucifixion.

Who is She, sparkle in the rapids, coolness of the well,
living power of Jesus flowing from the Scriptures?
She is Life,
water, wind and laughter, calm, yet never still,
swiftly moving Spirit, singing in the changes.
-- Brian Wren

Typing it out makes me love it all the more!

Out for a walk

Ben and I went for a walk to the public library yesterday, since it was our Sabbath and a gorgeous day outside. It really isn't too bad of a walk - about 20 - 25 minutes each way.

On our way back, arms laden with books on tape for our respective rides home later this week, we crossed paths with an elderly gentleman walking a baby in a stroller. We slowed down to say "good morning" and ended up standing there, chatting with him for a good 10 minutes. He was walking his granddaughter who was named after him. He talked about what a blessing it was to have his four children all in the area, and about how wonderful it was he could help out his daughter by watching her kids so she could work. He told us stories about his son, thought it was wonderful that we were both in Theological School, and talked about how his nephew is doing a residency program at a hospital in Maine.

It was a great conversation, and he seemed like a wonderful person - very aware of his blessings. I didn't know that this sort of thing happened in New Jersey (not the wonderful person part, but someone actually stopping and talking to you when you are out on a walk). In any case, this small encounter reminded me that counting your blessings really can make a positive difference in your outlook.

The saga continues...

"Oh shoot!"

The inane drivel of Chris Tomlin's Indescribable floated in the background.* I caught the line "Creation's revealing Your majesty...", and normally I might stop and use that as a springboard to contemplate the magnificent clouds that flooded the sky as I drove west on Scary New Jersey Highway II. However, on this Sunday morning, the said magnificent clouds signaled the possibility of rain (my meterology phase in 4th grade paid off), and one Big Angry Cloud dominated the better part of the western horizon.

On any other occasion, I would have been glad for the rain. It meant that I could curl up in my room with my schoolwork, a cup of tea, the Fiance, and watch the Patriots win against the Bengals. I had been looking forward to such an evening, in fact. The complication? The car.

Gas is cheap in the town where I serve, so before my trip home next week, I thought I would fill up (for $2.31...though Fiance got it for $2.15...and here they scam us at $2.51). The gas attendant walked up to the passenger side of the car (which I found odd...though it's the side closest to the pump). I rolled down the window, got my gas, signed for credit card, and my window wouldn't roll up. The window motor made some awful crunching noises, but the window refused to move. I had to drive the Long Drive back with my window down.

First of all, I hate driving on the highway with the window down. You get that awful beating noise caused by the air rushing by the car. Secondly, you can understand now why the possibility of rain left me in a state of despair. (For those who don't know, I've had previous experience with this car, the windows, and rain). Hence my reaction to the threatening clouds in the sky.

BUT

I managed to get back without incident, taped up my window with a garbage bag and masking tape, and I'm looking forward to a mostly clear evening. That's the upside. The downside? Always having to deal with my car on my Sabbath. Why, oh why dear God can't I have a day of peace??? All I want is one day off...please?




*I apologize if anyone really enjoys that song...I actually think it's one of his better songs, but to be honest, I think a lot of his stuff sounds the same, is pretty boring, and not very lyrically creative.

RevGalBlogPals Friday 5 - Groups!

I have to preface this week's Friday Five with a confession: despite being in seminary for a year, when I see "groups" I don't think what normal people thing (a gathering of people or things). No, I think about a mathematical object -- a set with an operation on it such that the operation is associative, and the set has an inverse element and a neutral element.

1. Tell us about any group(s) you currently belong to. (e.g. book club, knitting circle, walking buddies, etc.)

Not many groups right now. Seminary choir...covenant group...if classes count as groups, then I have more! I used to be involved in a whole slew of stuff; I have no idea now how I found the time for it!

2. Do you feel energized or drained by being in a group situation? If the answer is "it depends," on what does it depend?

Definitely an "it depends." It depends on how well I know the people in a group. If I know them well (and I mean really well), then I'm energized. But walking into a room of practical total strangers drains the life right out of me.

3. Is there a role you naturally find yourself playing in group situations? That is, do you naturally fall into the leader role, or the one who always makes sure the new person feels welcome, or the quiet one who sits back and lets others shine, or the host?

Let's do this one by process of elimination. I'm not a stunning host, though I've done that from time to time. In a small group (3-4) I tend to fall into the leader role, though in a larger group I tend to let the more assertive people take the reigns and make sure other people's voices are heard. So.....the one I fall more naturally into is the quiet one who sits back and lets others shine.

4. Handshakes vs. hugs: discuss.

Handshakes at first. Hugs come later...though I'm usually open to a hug pretty soon after I meet a person.

5. Ice breakers: a playful way to build community in a lighthearted manner, or a complete and utter hell of forced fun and awkwardness?

Depends on the ice breaker. I can't recall any particularly hellish ones off the top of my head (perhaps because I've blocked them out). Generally I find them fun and lighthearted and a great way to build community!

Bonus: If you answered "playful and lighthearted," share your favorite ice breaker.

This one isn't too bad: you mark two ends of the room (one with agree, one with disagree, or something along those lines). Next ask a series of questions (I like the cold, I live in the north, etc...) and people position themselves according to where they fall along the spectrum. We did this occasionally for Christian Fellowship and it's great because if you're going to be talking about something serious in a discussion, you can gradually steer the questions in that direction.

Funeral Thoughts

Granny Franny (so she came to be called) died on Friday at the age of 102. She also was blessed to have the perfect death: peaceful, in her sleep, with her family gathered around her. One of her sons held her hand through that night, and when he woke up, she was dead but her left hand was back by her head, as if she was waving. He marveled at what a gift that had been for him. Truly a perfect death.

Pastor invited me to go with him to the funeral after the church council meeting so I could observe what went on at such a service from a more objective point of view. Actually, I had never before been to a funeral (though I’ve been to a couple memorial services), not even for my own grandfather when he died almost 10 years ago. Walking into the funeral parlor, there wasn’t the oppressively sad air that I had been expecting. Instead, there was a lot of laughter, with a twinge of sadness. People looked fondly at the open casket where Fran lay peacefully, looking exceptionally well for 102 (everyone said that in life, she never ever looked her age). I sat in the back so as not to disturb those who were really there for Fran and the family.

Pastor used the liturgy from the Book of Worship, adapting where necessary, and editing out much of the pain and grief language present. In some ways, this was a very happy occasion – a celebration of her life and a public acknowledgement that she was in heaven. The eulogy was short, as pastor wanted to have plenty of room for her two sons to speak, but pastor did give a short picture of her life along with (what I assume to be) the standard funeral fare and talked about her sharp wit, self-effacing humor, and the feeling that you were always home in her presence. From this, and from the stories that her two sons shared, I sincerely wished that I had had the opportunity to know her.

At one point during his eulogy, I noticed tears running down my face. The scene conjured up for me a time when my own grandfather died out in Ohio during my high school years. I don’t even remember why my siblings and I didn’t go; perhaps my parents didn’t feel like it was appropriate for us to miss school. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a choice made on our part; I don’t remember a choice being given anyway. But in that moment, I felt a powerful sense of the loss of my grandfather and my own personal need for closure. I also felt the powerful sense that one day, I too will have to bury my parents, and this really troubled me.

As a pastor, I will be expected to perform funerals and to comfort people in their time of grief. I will not be able to do that unless I have come to terms with the lingering grief I’m experiencing from my grandfather’s death. If every funeral scene sparks memories of my grandfather and I am unable to lay that aside, I don’t feel like I will be able to be present for the people who need me most at that time. In order for me to more fully grow as a pastoral leader, this is an issue that I will have to deal with. I will also have to learn how to see death as a part of life. While it is true that not all deaths are as perfect nor as peaceful as Fran’s, there was something holy about her death that is present in many other deaths as well. I will have to learn how to see the sacramental in the process of dying – and Fran’s death has given me a perfect start.

Theological Musings I

Right now, I'm watching the Giants lose miserably (35 to 3 at the half), trying to read my theology reading but getting incredibly distracted by both the game and some guy outside my window playing an African drum. Normally, I would find such a demonstration to be entertaining and amusing, but right now it's imparing my ability to concentrate on the Doctrine of God. Hence, blogging it is.

I realize that I have neglected to say hello to folks popping over via the Methodist Blogroll. *waves* Greetings to all of you!

After my third Sunday in my new "pastor-type" roll, I think I'm settling in quite nicely. It was a big plus that the pastor wanted to ease me in, having knowledge of what it was like to be a student. That was very helpful, and I don't think I could have survived these past few weeks without it.

Even though I can't actually read my theology text at the moment (which really should get done, as I'm not going to do work this evening in favor of friends and the Patriots), I'll ruminate a bit about what we've learned so far in my Systematic Theology class.

Dr. Boesel, first of all, is a great teacher. For someone like me who needs concrete pictures of what is going on, he is fantastic. His basic method of teaching us consists of the construction of two theological paradigms, denoted "A" and "B". As one might imagine, one is more resonant of "conservative" viewpoints, the other is more "liberal" (strictly theologically speaking, not politically so). These broad paradigms (meant to capture the extremes) are further broken down into A1, A2, B1, B2, etc...

Last week, we learned about how these different paradigms view revelation, the notion of God's self-disclosure to humankind. B's take a more "universal presence" form of God's revelation, while A's are more about how God revealed God's self to a particular people/persons at a particular time and space. How these groups integrate the 4 sources of theology (Scripture, Tradition, Reason, and Experience) varies even within the broad paradigm.

As far as I am....I don't know where I truly am on the spectrum, or even if I'm on it. Without describing the paradigms (as I am now pressed for time), I can only say that pieces of the A2 and B1 appeal to where I currenly am theologically, but there are elements involved that neither of them take into consideration, and I'm definitely not midway between the two (or if I was, it would be like I was above the midpoint, working off of a slightly different but perhaps parallel paradigm). I think community is important, I think that God's universally present and it is a valid source of revelation, but that God does intervene actively in history. I like Barth in that the Bible is not the revelation, but a witness to it, but I also highly value other sources of theology.

Who knows. Maybe I'll invent my own position...paradigm M.

RevGalBlogPals Friday Five - Boo boo alert!

I remembered about this in time to play today!

1) Are you a baby about small injuries?

Generally, no. If I cut myself, I might freak out a bit, but I generally don't cry or make too much of a scene.

2) What's the silliest way you have ever hurt yourself?

Well, recently I got this huge bruise on my right shin caused by graceful me triping over one of the weird steps in the choir loft/narthex during the passing of the peace on my first Sunday. Or there was time a few days ago when I was frying bacon, and I put two new slices of bacon into the pan with all the hot bacon grease, and the sizzling hot grease went all over - including a couple drops on my feet and my legs. I still am sporting these lovely burns on my right thigh that look like tear drops because they ran down my legs.

3) Who took care of your boo-boos when you were a child?

Mom did, though I hated when I got a splinter. She'd go get a sewing needle, sterilize it, and then get it out. She was good at it, but even at that age I hated somebody poking me with needles.

4) Are you a good nurse when others have boo-boos?

I never really had the opportunity to try. Whenever I baby-sat, the kids never got hurt. Now, more often than not, I'm the one getting hurt, and needing to be nursed.

5) What's the worst accidental injury you've suffered? Did it require a trip to the Emergency Room?

Probably on Martha's Vineyard. I was with my friends and we were digging clams for dinner. I found one, and it cut me on one of my fingers. It was a pretty deep cut, and I was freaking out because it had sand and grossness in it. It had to be washed and cleaned, but I couldn't do it myself. So one of my friends tended to my wounds, but the whole time I felt like I was going to pass out. It was awful.

I'm sure there are worse injuries; I just can't think of them right now. Suffice it to say, I've never been to the ER. Nor have I ever broken a bone.

OH! I remember one now - my freshman year of high school, I was on the softball team and during practice, we were just throwing around balls, practicing catching. I held out my glove , but my ungloved hand got the ball first and bent my middle finger backwards. It was just a sprain, but I had my right hand taped up for a week or so. Couldn't write well...so I had to dictate my answers to a biology test to the teacher. It was great. The funnier part is for awhile (not so much recently), changes in air pressure really did affect my finger. So I could predict the weather with my bones!

My mantra: self-care is a good thing!

selfcareisagoodthingselfcareisagoodthingselfcareisagoodthing...

I don't know if I've mentioned it in a previous post (and frankly, right now after my evening cup of Sleepytime tea, I'm too lazy to care), but I dropped a class. Yes, that's right...I am only taking nine credits. Instead of dropping a job, I cut back academically. My rationale for picking the class over the job:

1) I need money. Well, not need, need, but I want to start to save some more so that when Ben and I start our life together, we will have some additional financial backing.

2) I'm ahead of the game when it comes to credits. With 33 already under my belt, I can afford to take only 9 this semester and still be on track to graduate "in time" (i.e., within their idea that the MDiv program takes three years to complete). When you factor in that C.P.E. will be an additional six credits that will happen over the summer, I'm in goooooood shape. (Note to self, start C.P.E. application! All you who read this, harrass me about it, ok?)

The real reason I cut back is due to some serious self-care issues. Something inside of me almost died when I was talking with some people (who shall remain nameless) and upon mentioning how every last moment of my day was scheduled and busy, they said that it was good, and how it should be. Time for self-care and self-nurture is very much a foreign concept, one that I started to learn senior year of college and one that I need to continue learning. I will not be able to be an effective minister if I don't intentionally carve out some time for me.

Secondly, I almost started crying during the mandatory Monday Supervised Ministry meeting when Dean Samuel was talking about the busy life of a seminarian. So: I totaled up all my hours as follows (with 4 classes) upon the general rule of thumb that a for every credit you take, you spend about 3 hours doing work outside of class. Here we go.

Supervised Ministry/Other Jobs - 30 hours max
Time in-class - 12 hours-ish
Work outside of class - 36 hours
Time sleeping (8 hours per night) - 56
Sabbath - 16 hours

This leaves 18 out of 168 hours in a week in which to eat, shower, run errands, have personal devotional time, plan a wedding, and attempt to stay sane. There is little for meaningful relationships of any kind (and I don't think Ben would take kindly to that one) and that more than anything really hurts me, since I wanted this year to be more about forming relationships with people. Sure, I have friends that I hang out with from time to time, but it's rare. And I feel so isolated here in my apartment that aside from my roommates, the only person I see consistently is Ben. I love Ben, but I enjoy spending time with more people too.

There is also no time for me to take a step back and cultivate other areas of my life (such as my more creative side). I'm not a brilliant photographer by any means, but I enjoy going outside and taking pictures of nature or other things that strike my interest. I like cross-stitching. I want to finish the banner I started for a class over January.

I also need time for exercise. No excuse here. If I want to lose weight, I just have to do it. Period.

I've also been overwhelmed lately by other issues in my life (the car is finally fixed, by the way, which eliminates one area of stress) that I'm seriously an emotional wreck. Ask Ben. I'll be reading one moment and the next I'll be crying. Mucho repressed anger has been seeping its way out of my body (thank you to Douglas VW who I deem the catalyst of such a reaction) and while most of the time I'm Ok, there are moments I want to kill the next living thing that moves near me. (I never thought I might need anger management...I'm really not an angry person, I swear!)

I'm sick of living in the space which I have been kept hostage (largely by my own psyche, but my psyche has very good reasons for keeping me in my bedroom, and for the most part, I agree with them). I need some separation in my life (not eating in my bedroom would be a good start to that...and probably so would getting the television out of my bedroom), but I can't because there's no way to do it. I work, eat, sleep - live in this one little bedroom. How did I ever pull it off in college? Please, someone, let me know, because it's not working for me now!

Anyhow, I planned on sharing some pearls of wisdom that I gathered in my Pastoral Care and Counseling class, as well as some severe criticisms of the way They want us to do theological reflection. I also wanted to reflect more on why self-care in general is a good thing, but I'm done for now. Perhaps I'll ruminate more in a later post.

selfcareisagoodthingselfcareisagoodthingselfcareisagoodthingselfcareisagoodthing...

New Userpic

I love this userpic. I might even have to use it on this site, I love it so much. You can find it over at my livejournal. It's on the first entry there, and it's totally awesome.

Again, I am betraying my dorkishness. :-)

My struggle with technology, old and new

First of all -- thank you to everyone for the well wishes in my new position! Tomorrow, I get to preach my first children's sermon!!

There were two battles raging this past week; one against my car and the other against my computer, both waged by proxy with the institutions that were supposed to be servicing each. One was a victory, while one was a lost.

The victory first: Dell finally consented that yes, something was wrong with my motherboard and yes, they will send a technician over. This technician came over on Thursday (after we played phone tag for a bit) and replaced the motherboard. And....I have no more internet connection issues! Quel shock. I can now put the ethernet cable in and the computer recognizes that a cable is there each and every time. Yay!

The loss: the car. I don't know how long I want to draw this out, but it started last Thursday, when I was supposed to go up to meet with my pastor to talk with him about what I would be doing on my first Sunday. I didn't get two miles before the check engine light came on and I had to drop it off at the dealership a few towns away. Since my car was undriveable (for the most part), a fellow seminary friend drove me to church that Sunday (for which I will be forever grateful!). I took the car in this past Monday...waited three hours...and found out that in addition to the check engine light stuff, I had $3500 of work to do on it. Including the brakes and the radiator. I took it to Midas to do the brakes (because they were cheaper and they do a better job), and then dropped the car of on Thursday to do selected items like the check engine light stuff and the CV boot (it's cheaper to do the radiator stuff in Maine).

I picked the car up on Friday and.....the alignment is OMGsh bad. Not slightly bad. But "steering-wheel-at-thirty-degrees-below-vertical-to-go-straight" bad. I called them from the road (which is illegal in New Jersey, but oh well) and told them it was their fault, and they said there was nothing they could do; the place was already closed for service and on Saturday they didn't have anybody in who could do it. The guy couldn't even figure out why I would have any alignment problems. Grr. So I called my parents, and got in touch with them this morning about how to proceed. I called the dealership back because I feel very unsafe driving this car and didn't want to spend an hour-and-a-half on the road getting to church and back tomorrow. I couldn't get a loaner because the company they use closed at 12 (I was calling, no joke, at 12:03), and their other loaner cars hadn't returned yet. I asked if there was another company they could refer me to to get a rental, and the guy said he didn't have the authorization to do that.

After much angst and calling the parents and venting to Ben and Ben calling his parents, we decided to go to the dealership prepared to leave the car there, ask for a manager who could authorize a rental from another company and if they wouldn't, to ask for the number of their district managing office to register a complaint. We drove to the place (in separate cars), and I got there without any incident.

However, I think it's a state law or something that in New Jersey, no driveway can be at the same level as the road. I swear it's illegal or something. So I was making a left turn into the dealership on one of these lousy raised driveways with a bumb, and something on the front end of my car drops and starts scraping up against the road. I mean, loud screechy scraping. Definitely unsafe to drive. By this point, I was enraged. Very, very enraged. I pulled into a parking spot, shut the door of the car, and started swearing that they better fix the car. I was mad. I pretty much stormed into the office (which was open still, thank goodness), and when the guy asked me how I was, I said "not good" in a tone that implied that he wasn't going to be feeling very good either if I didn't get some service. To make a long story short, one of their loaner cars had come in and I was able to get it. Ben said the expression on the guy's face was one of "please let the loaner car be in" because the guy knew that I was ready to make his life miserable if it wasn't.

So, the car is at the dealership again, and they better gosh darn fix it for free, else I'm going to register a complaint with the Better Business Bureau. What an awful way to spend my Sabbath day. But it's over, and I have transportation so I can get to church tomorrow. And right now, that's all I really care about.

Day One

I stood at the lectern on Sunday morning, looking out at the faces of my new congregation. Mostly strangers stared back at me – strangers that would come to know me first as a student pastor before anything else. I took a deep breath and said, “Good morning and welcome. My name is Melissa Yosua, and I will be serving as your new student pastor. I am a second year Masters of Divinity Student at Drew University, and I am looking forward to working with you during my time here.” Pause. “Let us rise and join together in the Call to Worship, found in your bulletin.” And we were off.

I knew from the second I stood up there that this time reading as a lay liturgist would be completely different from any other time I have ever served as such. Sure, I had read scripture and been the lay leader many times over the course of my lifetime. Yet this time, something was profoundly different. As soon as the words “student pastor” escaped my lips, I was no longer “just another lay person.” I entered into that amorphous phase of “not laity, but not yet clergy” – just like a teenager who is not a child anymore, but not yet an adult.

I see my time with them as such – a gangly and awkward teenage-type pastor, struggling to find her footing and herself in the great, big world of ministry. I imagine there will be growing pains, times that I will struggle for independence, and times that I will need to be “grounded,” so to speak – sent back to my room for reflection, contemplation, and a rerooting myself in the familiar. There will be times when I can’t wait to fly, full and confident, and situations where I will revert to a shy and insecure pastor-in-training, unsure yet wanting to try.

This past Sunday marked a significant shift in the way others perceive me, and in the way I perceive myself. I am in a new phase of life, new phase of ministry, and a new phase of the calling that God has placed upon my soul. I became “the Student Assistant Pastor” (lovingly called, the “sap”), and I am blessed to be with a congregation and a pastor who is as excited about the journey as I am. I am excited, scared, fascinated, thrilled, and nervous about the process, but together we will learn and grow into the people that God has called us to be.

Seminary Choir

I joined the seminary choir this semester. I'm not taking it for credit; I feel like that won't allow me to skip out on a week or two should I need to take some time off. I certainly plan on being there every chance I get, however!

We rehearse after chapel on Wednesdays and Thursdays in the chapel itself. We were learning this gospel song that Mark had written, and there was this one part with some neat harmonies so Mark decided to bring us outside of the chapel too the very resonant lobby on the second floor. We all nailed our parts and it sounded fantastic...except for when one irate undergraduate student (an older gentleman) came out of the classroom and yelled at us. "We can't hear the professor! The professor can't even think! There is a class going on in there, don't you know any better?" Mark, being Mark, poked his head in afterwards to apologize, and in typical fashion said, "If any of you want to join the choir..." I guess Mark didn't realize that Seminary Hall, now that it is fully accessible, can be used by the college for classes and there are a lot more undergrads floating around the building than there were before. I don't think any of the students (aside from the one and the professor) took it badly -- most of them were laughing away.

Still, it was rather funny as we meekly turned around and marched ourselves back to the chapel.

Going Retro!

I totally want this.

In other news, my fight with Dell Tech Support is nearly over...I finally got them to the point where the said, "yeah, it might be a loose connection to the motherboard" (which is what I had been saying all along), after two separate conversations totaling two and a half hours and three people (I finally said after the woman told me that it wasn't in her jurisdiction to dispatch a technician...which is in my warranty service...because it "wasn't a hardware issue" and I told her I wanted to speak to someone who does have that authority).

Oy....today I work from 9 - 11, have chapel and rehearsal until 1:15, class from 1:15 - 3:45, run to the post office to mail some books I sold, and then meet my pastor at 5.

I need to cut something out of my life. I can't survive like this all semester long...

Orientation

One week ago today, a team of 14 hardened Drew Theological School veterans, the school's deans, and other Drew administrative staff effectively (or so we hope) oriented about 70 new students to the Theological School. All in all, orientation went smoothly, and I loved meeting all of the first-year students, including Kristen, who I met first in cyberspace via the RevGalBlogPal blog ring! I had delightful conversations with so many people. I love hearing their stories, and what brought them to Drew. We have students who have served in the Marine Corps, work as a wedding photographer, love dogs so much they want to start a petition to allow them in student housing, come from teeny tiny towns in the Midwest...you name it, we've got it! This class is wonderfully diverse - ethnically, age-wise, geographically -- it's great!

Most of the hang-ups around orientation were due to events beyond our control. For example, the #2 reason I hate Drew (their Facilities department) took 7 or 8 hours to plunge all three men's toilets in Seminary Hall. For a better part of the day, the men had to go elsewhere to use the toilet because ours was all clogged, and Facilities was apparently too incompetent to handle the job. (Additionally, as we were moving students into their housing at Drew, one woman opened her door to find that Facilities was using her room as a storage area and had three beds, four desks, etc....and they hadn't cleaned it out in time for her arrival, and one student we greeted found out that he didn't have a bed yet in his room. Welcome to Drew!)

Some people giving presentations decided not to show up, like Telecom, who decided they were too busy to take 15 minutes out of their schedule - 15 minutes that they had known about for several weeks - to talk to the students living on campus about their phone service. Basically, they just created a whole heck of a lot more work for themselves because now everyone is going to be talking to them one-on-one to have all their questions answered.

Some presentations were just awful, and there was nothing redeeming about them. I will not mention which ones here; those at orientation know which presentation(s) I'm referencing.

Apparently, the administration raved about how well things went, and about how well the first-years took to heart a lot of the presentations the deans and faculty made about such topics as community and the importance of critical thinking in religious study. I'm really looking forward to getting to know them more - both in and outside of the classroom setting!

Very Late RGBL Friday Five

1. What is your earliest memory of school? I remember one day in pre-school we were learning to distinguish left from right. I got very, very confused, because I realized that the position of right and left was dependent upon your perspective. Right and Left for the teacher, who was talking facing us, was different from our right and left.

2. Who was a favorite teacher in your early education? Mr. DeMille, who visited my house before school started because he heard I had the chicken pox and was unable to attend the First Grade "Meet and Greet the Teacher" (or something like that). He also wrote each of us personal weekly letters (some of which I still have). He helped me conquer my fear of fire drills. And he played the guitar. He was way cool.

3. What do you remember about school “back then” that is different from what you know about schools now? In elementary school, we never ever had homework. Now I'm seeing Kindergarteners bring home worksheets to complete. We never had to do this until third or fourth grade!

4. Did you have to memorize in school? If so, share a poem or song you learned. I learned a bit of Hiawatha by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow in fifth grade, but I have long since forgotten anything beyond "By the banks of Gitchigumi, by the shining Lake-Sea water...". I also had to learn "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely, and more temperate..." in 9th grade.

5. Did you ever get in trouble at school? Were there any embarrassing moments you can share? Nothing that I can remember...perhaps I've blocked all the bad memories out! The one time I did get detention, however, was in sixth grade when my teacher forgot that my family had been on vacation and so I couldn't complete an assignment on time... or something like that. Oh...yeah, and in fourth grade I passed off a fake note from my parents instead of telling the teacher I didn't finish the assignment. That didn't go over well. I think that's the most embarassing thing that I still get ashamed about to this day.

Reason #27 I hate the administrative side of Drew

27. Groundskeeping has not touched a single blade of grass by my apartment building, which is on campus next to the famed Shakespere Theatre, all summer long. Yet they decide that this morning from 6 AM to 6:30 AM is the perfect time to mow, leaf-blow, and weed-whack. Right outside my apartment window. Thank you, groundskeeping, for making me a walking zombie today.

Edit: Upon examining their handiwork as I exited the building at oh-so-early in the morning, the grass still looks like a 2 year-old had been playing with scissors.

I'm alive...

Ok. Still alive, back from retreating this weekend. But things are crazy with orientation, so I'll outline posts to come:

• A (very) delayed RevGalBlogPal Friday Five about Back-to-School
• Simple thoughts from my retreat
• A reflection on community
• Great, positive, awesome orientation experiences. (I love these first-years; they are so awesome!!!!)

Catch you all once I start breathing again,

Melissa :-)

Thoughts on Redrawing the Cube

The other day, I was reading an article from July 17th's edition of TIME magazine. This is uncommon for me, even though I enjoy reading magazines, because on a limited seminarian's budget, subscriptions are hard to come by. But I get magazines wherever I can, whether it's getting The Atlantic Monthly from my parents, or TIME from Ben (who gets it from his parents).

The article, Redrawing the Cube, is about how businesses are planning on reinventing the "time-honored" tradition of the cubicle: redesigning it to fit the needs of modern day workers and current technology. The photo slides at the top of the page show some remarkably creative ways of making something new out of what is otherwise...dreadfully boring. These workspaces are designed for aesthetics, comfort and meeting the needs of the workers. If you can manage it, try to get your hands on a copy to see more pictures of what people are doing. There are even businesses that are creating common areas that are designed much like the interiors of most cafes where workers can grab a cup of coffee while using their laptop or meeting with their coworkers.

Businesses are on the cutting-edge of redesigning their workspaces to meet the needs of their employees. They make use of inviting workspaces in an effort to stay abrest of trends emerging in the larger culture.

Why isn't the church doing the same thing?

One of the things that astounds me is this quote from the beginning of the article: "Employing advanced materials, tomorrow's technology and the fruits of sociological research, designers are fitting the future workplace to workers who are increasingly mobile and global." (Emphasis is mine). There isn't anything super-secret or mind-bogglingly intelligent in the approach that these businesses are taking to reach these solutions. They are going beyond their discipline into sociology to help them figure out what they can do to give the people what they need. There is nothing that prevents the church from following their lead -- looking beyond the theologians and pastors to examine current cultural and sociological trends to help inform us about church...and how we need to change to fit the needs of the people we currently aren't serving.

The businesses understand this. They realize that aesthetics is an important value people hold. These new designs have a definite aesthetic appeal, making them much more pleasant than the old metal and fabric wall. They capture the senses (beyond sight!) and create a different feel than the old box. Churches seem to be a bit behind in getting this piece. Sanctuaries may be beautiful, but that beauty doesn't always engage one holistically like it did before. The current postmodern generation resonates with a different aesthetic -- not necessarily a visual one.

Even though in some way these cubicles are new variations on an old theme, I get the sense that they represent a new way of projecting forward into the future. To a certain extent, no matter how you dress them up, they'll still be cubicles; workspaces emprisoning employees designed to improve productivity. But what's most telling is this: our businesses are doing a new thing. Why aren't our churches?

I think it's deeper than the fact that dead great-aunt Mildred sat in that pew for 70 years, how dare you replace it! And I'm not necessarily talking about redesigning our worship spaces, although that may be a component of the greater package. Businesses are changing to meet the needs of its employees in a very fresh and innovative way. Why can't we change to meet the needs of our communities?

Stray Cat

I just saw a stray cat in the main Drew parking lot. It made me so sad...the cat didn't even get scared off when I pulled into a parking spot near it. It didn't move an inch; it just stared at the me. It seemed to me that this was a cat that was used to being out on the streets. So sad...:-( If I could be sure that it didn't have any diseases or fleas, I would have tried to befriend it and figure out a way I could put some food out for it or something.

I have a soft spot for animals. Ben says that I don't care when people in a movie or on TV get hurt, but when someone does wrong by an animal, I'm ready to cry. Harsh assessment, but it's so true.

A quick update

Another slow day at work, so here are a few tidbits as to what I've been up to!

• Lamenting the horrible 4-0 series vs. the Yankees (though as of right now, the Red Sox have a prayer, it's still 0-0!) Edit: Now it's 1-0 Yanks...we're doomed...
  
• Ben's trying to get an emergent cohort started at Drew, and here is our blog!
• Finished The Shadow Rising -- now onto The Fires of Heaven!
• In case you haven't guessed, no retreat this weekend; it's planned for next weekend. I figured that it might be better to take a weekend off right before Orientation starts, so I can be in a better frame of mind to meet the new Drew Theological School students!
• I've been invited to be a small group leader at Exploration 2006, in Jacksonville, Florida. I'm so excited about this! A chance to help out young people discern God's calling for their lives...I can't wait already.
• Made an excellent zucchini and sour cream dill side-dish last night. I'll post the recipe once I get back to my apartment.
• I have a post in the works about an article I skimmed in a TIME magazine from a few weeks ago about businesses reenvisioning their workspaces and connecting that to our churches being 50 years behind the times.
• I have been trying (unsuccessfully) to get back on the "get healthy, lose weight" bandwagon, espcially since I have a target weight for a target day...but at least I have a year to do it. It would help if the workers stopped being lazy and actually finished the tennis courts they have been working on for a month. I don't think my body can take any more 3-miles in 45 minutes at this point. I need to get my cardiovascular strength up in a more engaging manner than walking outside around multi-million dollar homes.
• Today's been an off day...which isn't fair, especially since I've gotten better about praying every day. :-P And yes. That's me sticking my tongue out at God...which I have no real reason to do...so yes. That's me being immature. :-)
• There's a leak on the second floor right outside the office. The second one this summer. In the same spot as the first one. I called Facilities (who had apparently been called earlier) confirming the fact that yes, it is dripping. A lot. That was about an hour ago. Have they showed up yet? Of course not.

That's all for now. I'll write up my more profound thoughts later on. Right now, I want to put my brain in a jar and read mindless fantasy novels. :-)

Me and Alexander

Yesterday, I felt like Alexander in Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. For those unfamiliar with the book, Alexander has a day in which everything goes wrong, from waking up with gum in his hair to going to bed that night in railroad pajamas. Nothing went right.

I suppose my own, personal Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day started the previous night, where I couldn't for the life of me fall asleep. The minutes rolled by slowly and with each passing moment my insomnia only seemed to gain momentum rather than weaken and melt away. I resorted to booting up my laptop and playing online word games, hoping that some moderate mental activity would speed the process of falling asleep. I managed to get myself drowsy, and what after seemed like an eternity I feel asleep.

Only to wake up again a couple hours later, faced with the same interminable problem of getting some rest.

Enough with the blow-by-blow; I'm sure you get the picture.

I woke the next morning, fumbled my way downstairs where I enjoyed my ritual Morning Cup of Coffee (or 3) at the Davis house. However, I came downstairs only to learn that the windows of the car had been left open all night long and...it had rained last night. Figured, that the car that my dad brought down to exchange would be the car with the nifty feature of being able to control the windows via the car keys, and that in addition to locking the car right before my father left, I also managed to roll down the windows. Smart, Melissa. Real smart.

Additionally, with Ben's allergies, the car needed to be vacuumed, due to the dog hair sprinkled about the interior of the vehicle. But before the car could be vacuumed, the water needed to be sucked out of the seats (because, of course, a wet-dry vac is rather ineffective when it comes to picing up dog hair...or at least that has been my experience). I gave the wet-dry vac a go, and when it looked like that would take forever, I started using towels and hair dryers (thanks Matt!) and de-hairing the areas I could with a normal hand-vac. The job wasn't very thorough, as Ben started getting an allergic reaction about three-quarters of the way back to Drew, but it was passable, especially with copious amounts of anti-allergen Febreze.

I tried to nap before we left for Drew, and that wasn't a successful venture -- at least shutting my eyes for a bit helped. We left around 1:30 or so. I loaded up the CD player with music, loaded up the rest of the car, and we were on our way.

Only to find out that the CD player isn't working. We pulled over to try and fix it, or to at least discover the root of the problem, but no such luck.

I decided that I needed some silence on the trip back.

I eventually gathered myself together, just in time for the AC to break down. I knew that the AC was making some weird noises; the previous evening when my father had pulled into the driveway, it sounded like there was something seriously wrong with the motor. Not the case - just the AC doing weird things, and it only happened when the car was going slowly or idling. Well, we were on the highway, when we started hearing a weird resonance with the motor and thought it might be the AC (which was working rather well at that point). I turned off the AC, and the sound stopped. So that made us feel better, and so I turned the AC back on. The light went on, air started moving -- but it wasn't cold air...and the strange sound didn't come back. I left it on for awhile, and turned it off again but left the vents on. Sure enough, there was no difference in the air temperature. We pulled into a gas station along Rt. 15 in CT only to find that when idling, the strange motor sound had really gone away. So we traveled the last two and a half hours without air conditioning.

We hit traffic. Not fun. We managed to get in around 6:40, so despite everything, we made OK time. I skipped out on the orientation team meeting, after deciding that for my own mental health I needed some time to myself.

I intended this post to be more reflective and instead it turned into a regurgitation of the day in (most) of its gory detail. But getting it out on screen was cathartic, and I'm sure in a month or so I'll look back on it and laugh.

Maybe.

In the meantime, due to stress, feelings of anxiety, being overwhelmed, and very off-center (along with many other pressures), I have decided to retreat this weekend. No cell phone. No computer. No outside distractions. Just me, nature, and God (and perhaps Robert Jordan can come along for the ride as well). I'm hoping to get away to a retreat house run by the convent that one of my classmates is a member of. I think it'll be good for me to get back in balance after all the crap that has happened recently. And because I've been seriously needing this since 2nd semester.

No more TV!

I haven't felt much like writing lately. Between recovering from my sinus infection and a whole slew of other things that have sent my brain into a quagmire, sitting down to write something reasonably intelligent was rather low on the priority list.

But, now I have drugs (hooray for amoxicillin), and I'm quickly going crazy due to all the television I have watched over the past week. I have seen Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban three times already, and right now I have the option of watching it for the 4th time on HBO. Perhaps I'll switch to it later for some background noise.

As much as the TV has been a steadfast companion for the past few days, I've realized also how poisonous it can be. It hasn't been the programming I've been watching, but the commercials.

I'm not used to watching so much television in a week, and I'm definitely not used to being constantly bombarded ads for laptops, clothes, diet supplements, restaurants, candies, cleaning supplies, other shows, home appliances, sales at stores, and new cell phones. Seeing a few of these commercials repeatedly started to affect me, as I thought, Hmmm, that's a cheap price for a laptop - and it's got a funky cover. Neat! or I suppose I could stop by Old Navy to update my "look" or That Olive Garden ad looked great. I didn't want to cook anyway tonight. Perhaps I should order in. All these commercials made me want, made me think I needed something, made me feel the urge to go out and buy something - to somehow improve my existence through whatever I could purchase.

As one who doesn't buy many things, it made me feel rather disgusting. That my mind could be so manipulated by the ads on television...I must say, advertisers do their job remarkably well.

I started thinking about how most people watch a lot of television each week (I think the average is around 5 or 6 hours per day per person), and how a lot of that airtime is devoted solely to get consumers to want, to need, and then to buy. No wonder our culture is so materialistic! We are always made to feel like we need to improve our lives, and that the newest car/product/fashion is the ticket to our happiness. I've never before realized what a powerful force the media is until this week, when I probably watched 8 hours every day. At least.

I think I'm going to declare a no-TV week as a way to purge all of this out of my system (or perhaps a no-TV-show-from-the-cable week, as there might be sports games to watch and there is definitely some Babylon 5 to watch on DVD!).

Anyhow, thanks to everyone who has commented on the engagement post! It's going to take me a bit to catch up on all the blogs that I have missed reading.

Getting to know you... (or, I have lived through 82 of these 158 things)

I'm generally not one for surveys, but I'll do the memes from time to time. I found this one off of a deviantART journal entry, and decided that it might be fun to do since there are those of you out there reading that don't know me very well. So here goes:

1. Put numbers in the boxes instead of x's (example: 1, 2, 3, 4...)
2. Repost as "I have lived through ___ of these 158 things."

[1] I have read a lot of books.
[] I have been on some sort of varsity team.
[] I have run more than 2 miles without stopping.
[2] I have been to Canada.
[3] I have been to Europe.
[4] I have watched cartoons for hours.
[5] I have tripped UP the stairs.
[6] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs.
[7] I have been snowboarding/skiing.
[8] I have played ping pong.
[9] I swam in the ocean.
[] I have been on a whale watch.
[10] I have seen fireworks.
[11] I have seen a shooting star.
[12] I have seen a meteor shower.
[] I have almost drowned.
[] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear.
[13] I have listened to one CD over and over and over again.
[] I have had stitches.
[] I have had frostbite.
[] I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there.
[14] I have stayed up 'til 2 doing homework/projects.
[15] I currently have a job.
[16] I have been ice skating.
[17] I have been roller blading.
[18] I have fallen flat on my face.
[19] I have tripped over my own two feet.
[] I have been in a fist fight.
[20] I have played video games for more than 3 hours straight.
[] I have watched the Power Rangers.
[21] I attend Church regularly.
[22] I have played truth or dare.
[23] I have already had my 16th birthday.
[24] I have already had my 17th birthday.
[25] I've called someone stupid.
[26] I've been in a verbal argument.
[27] I've cried in school.
[] I've played basketball on a team.
[] I've played baseball on a team.
[] I've played football on a team.
[] I've played soccer on a team.
[] I've done cheerleading on a team.
[28] I've played softball on a team.
[] I've played volleyball on a team.
[] I've played tennis on a team.
[29] I've been on a track or cross country team.
[30] I've been swimming more than 20 times in my life.
[] I've bungee jumped.
[] I've climbed a rock wall.
[] I've lost more than $20.
[31] I've called myself an idiot.
[32] I've called someone else an idiot.
[33] I've cried myself to sleep.
[34] I've had (or have) pets.
[] I've owned a Spice Girls CD.
[] I've owned a Britney Spears CD.
[] I've owned an *NSYNC CD.
[] I've owned a Backstreet Boys CD.
[] I've mooned someone.
[] I have sworn at someone of authority before.
[35] I've been in the newspaper.
[] I've been on TV.
[] I've been to Hawaii.
[36] I've eaten sushi.
[] I've been on the other side of a waterfall.
[37] I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies.
[38] I've watched all the Harry Potter movies.
[] I've watched all of the Rocky movies.
[] I've watched the 3 Stooges.
[] I've watched "Newlyweds" Nick & Jessica.
[39] I've watched Looney Tunes.
[] I've been stuffed into a locker/I have stuffed others into lockers.
[40] I've been called a geek.
[] I've studied hard for a test and got a bad grade.
[41] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it.
[] I've hugged my mom within the past 24 hrs.
[] I've hugged my dad within the past 24 hours.
[] I've met a celebrity/music artist.
[42] I've written poetry.
[] I've been arrested.
[43] I've been attracted to someone much older than me.
[44] I've been tickled till I've cried.
[45] I've tickled someone else until they cried.
[46] I've had/have siblings.
[47] I've been to a rock concert.
[48] I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it.
[49] I've been in a play.
[] I've been picked last in gym class.
[] I've been picked first in gym class.
[50] I've been picked in that middle-range in gym class.
[51] I've cried in front of my friends.
[52] I've read a book longer than 1,000 pages
[53] I've played Halo 2.
[54] I've freaked out over a sports game.
[] I've been to Alaska.
[] I've been to China.
[] I've been to Spain.
[] I've been to Japan.
[55] I've had a fight with someone on AIM.
[] I've had a fight with someone face-to-face.
[56] I've had serious conversations on any IM.
[57] I've forgiven someone who has done something wrong to me.
[58] I've been forgiven.
[59] I've screamed at a scary movie.
[60] I've cried at a chick flick.
[61] I've watched a lot of action movies.
[] I've screamed at the top of my lungs.
[] I've been to a rap concert.
[] I've been to a hip hop concert.
[62] I've lived in more than 2 houses.
[63] I've driven on the highway/been on the highway.
[64] I've driven more than 40 miles in a day/been in a car that went more than 40 miles in a day.
[] I've been in a car accident.
[] I've done drugs. (Note: I did not inhale)
[65] I've been homesick.
[66] I've thrown up.
[] I've puked on someone.
[] I've been horseback riding.
[67] I've filled out more than 10 myspace/LJ surveys.
[] I've spoken my mind in public.
[68] I've proved someone wrong.
[69] I've been proven wrong by someone.
[] I've broken a leg.
[] I've broken an arm/fingers.
[] I've fallen off a swing.
[] I've swung on a swing for more than 30 minutes straight
[70] I've watched Winnie the Pooh movies.
[] I've forgotten my backpack when I've gone to school.
[] I've lost my backpack.
[] I've come close to dying.
[] I've seen someone die.
[71] I've known someone who has died.
[72] I've wanted to be an actor/actress at some point.
[] I've done modeling.
[73] I've forgotten to brush my teeth some mornings.
[74] I've taken something/someone for granted.
[75] I've realized how good my life is.
[76] I've counted my blessings.
[77] I've made fun of a classmate.
[78] I've been asked out by someone and I said no.
[] I've slapped someone in the face.
[] I've been skateboarding.
[] I've been backstabbed by someone I thought was a friend.
[79] I've lied to someone to their face. (Long time ago, and still not proud of it)
[80] I've told a little white lie. (Not proud of that either)
[] I've taken a day off from school just so I don't go insane.
[] I've had an argument with someone about whether cheerleading is a sport or not.
[] I've pushed someone into a pool.
[81] I've been pushed into a pool.
[82] I've been/am in love.

Now it's YOUR turn! Come on, it's not that bad!

Note: After filling it out...I realized that it was pretty lame. But I'm going to post it anyway. Sorry.

*coughs, hacks, sneezes...*

These past couple of days have been miserable ones for me. On Friday, I stayed home from work due to an impending cold (I sounded like death walking), and over the course of the weekend, things steadily progressed downhill until this morning, where I nearly passed out on a trip back from the bathroom. Fortunately, I'm at the stage where I'm spewing phlegm from my lungs, so I should be rid of this bug soon. The funny thing is, my roommate recently got back from a trip to Taizé in France, and she ended up getting sick as well. My apartment should definitely be under quarrantine.

Ben was such a good fiancé and came by every day to wait on me hand and foot. I essentially moved into the common room - brought out my TV, set up the internet hub so that both of us could access the internet simultaneously, and set up three fans for the purpose of keeping the room relatively cool.

The one thing I really appreciate about being sick is being forced to take some time off to relax. I could lie around all day and do nothing and it was perfectly justifiable; I was sick, after all. I was under no obligation to do anything, go anywhere, or see anybody. Pure bliss...except for the hacking and coughing and the not being able to sleep through the night. But such is the price one must pay for a few days of relative vacation.

Revive Us Again - Brief Thoughts

Last week was the "Revive Us Again" music institute sponsored by the continuing education program at Drew University. I was able to attend the last day (as part of Ben's ploy to get me out of the apartment), and I thought the 'Question and Answer' session was worth attending. However, it also alerted me to how many people have misconceptions about the emerging church.

First of all, art, candles, and coffee do not an emerging service make. The emerging church is not about a different style of worship. It is about a different way of being church - a different way of being a Christian community in the world. I think this is the biggest mistake that people make when talking about an emerging church: making church and worship synonymous with each other. Many emerging churches don't even use the language of 'church' because it denotes that hour on Sunday morning where one goes for worship.

Secondly (and this is related to the first), adding creative elements to one's Sunday worship hour doesn't make a service necessarily 'postmodern' in nature. Media, art, and creative rituals may be characteristics that would make a modern service more engaging for people, but fundamentally, it's built upon the same modern principles and functions in the same modern paradigm. Even a shift to using "inclusive" language doesn't make your worship service more postmodern. There are some deeper, philosophical shifts that one needs to make before a service can be truly branded "postmodern."

Now I'm not an expert on the emerging phenomenon by any means; I'm just someone who's interested in the conversation that's happening. But it seems to me that these common myths are ones that are relatively easy to dispell. All one has to do is spend some time on the internet. Sites like emergentvillage, or even googling it will bring up a load of resources one can use.

Currently, I'm reading a book on the emerging church (you can see it on the side). So far, I'm rather impressed by the process they took to create this work. They interviewed 50 emerging church leaders and then identified nine characteristics that collectively, these churches exhibited. I can't remember if any of the churches had all nine, but each church showed at least three of these trends. I'm still in the beginning of the book, but I'll review it once I finish with it. You will all probably be subjected to my thoughts on the subject as I read through it, however.

So I think a little education is necessary on all sides. I think the desire is there to start creatively reaching out it new ways, I just don't think that the willingness is there (yet) to truly start breaking out of our modern boxes.

A little bit of news.

It began as a relatively normal Saturday.

I woke up earlier than usual, because Ben had been an RA/gopher for Drew's "Revive Us Again" music institute and he had encouraged me to sit in on the last day because this conference had been so fantastic. I took his suggestion and attended the closing worship service/closing Q & A session about emerging worship (which I will make a separate post about later this week).

About halfway through the morning, Ben (who was sitting next to me) said, "Oh, shoot! I forgot to copy something for Tanya -- Melissa, I need your keys so I can get into your apartment and use your color printer." Now, to some, this might seem a little far-fetched, if it weren't for the fact that earlier in the week, my printer was pressed into service for the conference because Staples' color copier had broken down and Kinkos' rate was ridiculously expensive. Ben can also admittedly get a little spacey, so this frantic "Oh crap!" moment wasn't anything new either.

I forked over my keys, and he thanked me and asked if I wanted to do lunch because he wasn't sure if he was going to make it back for the rest of the conference (which ended at noon). I said sure, because that's nothing out of the ordinary either. We take most of our meals together anyway, and I had assumed that we'd be doing lunch at my place because (a) to my knowledge, he still hadn't gone grocery shopping for himself and (b) we were already on campus.

The closing worship service ended a bit early, so I called Ben to let him know I was coming over. After all, he did have my keys and so would need to let me in to my apartment building. As I started out the door, Darlene started to talk to me about the fact that she was going to be our new apartment-mate. Since Drake moved out, Beth and I have been using that third bedroom for storage purposes, but next school year Darlene will be living there and using it as a commuter room. So she was asking all sorts of questions about the room; what she needed to bring, what was it furnished with, questions about the bathroom, etc. While she probably would have come to talk to me anyway, little did I know that her minor diversion was a part of some larger scheme.

I called Ben again, apologizing for the fact that I was going to be a little late. As I walked toward the apartment building, I noticed that the door to my section was propped open. While still on the phone, I started reaming out this person who had propped the door open, because we had a huge problem second semester with door propping and our section was assessed a fine for it. I told Ben that I was going to check my mail and then be there at the apartment. I ended the conversation, and decided that my first order of business would be to remove the prop from the door. As I walk toward the door, I look and realize...it's my box of recycling that is holding the door open. Ben was the one propping the door open. I yank out the box and put it in recycling where it belongs, and headed over to the student center to check my mail.

After that, I walked back to the apartment, and called Ben telling him he needed to let me in, and asking him why on earth he would prop the door open. He said something about having easy access and running all over campus and copies. Right. So I'm at the door waiting for him, and down he comes, dressed in a suit and tie. I thought that was somewhat odd (ok, really odd!), but I figured it was something related to the music institute (even though it was over). I started asking him about it, but he just said, "you'll see" as he opened the door to my apartment.

The common room was completely redecorated. 30 tealights in votive candle holders were strewn about the room. The table was pulled out into the middle of the room with a nice white tableclother over it, and the coffetable was pushed back to the wall with a bunch of roses in a vase on top of it. Sheets covered the more unsightly things in the room, and the table was set with nice plate settings, and Norah Jones was on as background music.

I'm getting more than slightly suspicious at this point, but figured that it was a good time to celebrate our one year anniversary (which was yesterday). I couldn't be farther from the truth.

I changed into something a bit nicer, and he sat me down at the table for the first course: caesar salad. During dinner, I'm asking him all sorts of questions, like: When did you find time for this? or Where did you get this? or How'd you find that out? He aptly remarked, "A poet would be utterly swept away by the beauty of it. Only a mathematician or a scientist would ask these sorts of questions." Despite all my questions, I did let him know that I was extremely flattered.

After the salad was done, he pulled out a piece of paper and read me a love poem he had written. He did the same after the fettucine alfredo with chicken and broccoli we had. By this point, I knew what he was going to do.

After the desert course (angel food cake with vanilla ice cream and strawberries), he pulled out his guitar, and I saw him sneak this tiny white box into his pocket. He sat down on the couch nearest me and sang me a song that he had written himself. I nearly broke out into tears it was so sweet. He then got down on one knee...and proposed. And naturally, I said yes. :-)

Needless to say, I was very surprised. We had been talking about getting engaged, and we had said that August would be the best time. So this past weekend, I really hadn't been expecting anything -- it was still July, after all!

We enjoyed the moment...but only for a moment, because he said, "Ok, you have 15 minutes to pack your bags, we have a supper date with my parents at 6!" So I threw a bunch of stuff together for the weekend, he cleared everything away as fast as possible (except for the fact that we had to call public safety to unlock the third bedroom where he had accidentally shut the door after putting all of his stuff in there). We were on the road by 1 PM.

I called my parents with the news while we were on the road, and then we surprised Ben's parents by randomly showing up at the house. We had a co-conspirator in this project; Ben's brother Matt made sure both of his parents were home. They were thrilled; Jan couldn't stop hugging us and crying and jumping up and down. We went out to dinner with them, came back to the house for the night, and on Sunday had breakfast with my parents, announced our engagement at Green St., went out to lunch with the Freys, Olive, Ami, and Ben's family, took a quick nap in Fort Williams, saw my grandmother, introduced Ben to my high school friends and ate supper with them, and then we went back to Ben's parents' place to look at their wedding photos and get a good night's sleep. We came back from this whirlwind tour on Monday, and stopped in to the Dean's Office and the Admissions Office to let people at Drew know. Karen knew, because obviously I was going to be late for work on Monday - but I had a very good excuse.

Last night we sent out an e-mail to our friends and family announcing our engagement. Fitting, that we did so on our one year anniversary. I also attached a picture of the ring I had taken Monday evening when I was playing around with my camera:


Everybody loved my ring. :-)

My relatively normal Saturday turned into the once-in-a-lifetime experience of engagement. Ben and I are engaged, and we're planning on getting married in August 2007 at Green St. UMC. Part of me is still stunned - something that Ben and I have talked about for so long is finally a reality. I really, honestly, have a ring on my finger! But I am also so excited that God has truly called the two of us to spend a lifetime in partnership with one another. I couldn't be more happy. :-)

Arrrrrrrgggg Mateys!

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. To see, or not to see?

[Warning, some spoilers ahead!]

I will freely admit, I was very excited to see this movie. I love the first one and thought that Johnny Depp's performance in it was brilliant. I didn't care much for Orlando Bloom (he's much better as an elf, in my humble opinion), and I thought Keira Knightly did a good job. It was funny, dramatic...and Johnny Depp really did make the movie a spectacular hit.

When compared to the first, which could have easily stood alone as it's own movie, the second one leaves a lot to be desired. Even taken by itself, it lacked both coherence and a convincing plot. Some scenes, like the one on the island where the natives thought Jack Sparrow was a god, were extraneous, and were only put in there to show off Johnny Depp's character (which wasn't well done, not because of the actor, but because of the unbelievably poor script writing).

Then there's the weird thing with Will Turner and his father that seemed kind of...lame. So Will's father is a slave on board Davy Jones' ship. And it tears Will up inside. Boohoo.

All in all, they really tried hard to make it overly melodramatic, which didn't really serve any useful purpose. Additionally, they threw in gimmicks from the last movie (Hello, poppit!) that didn't work well at all in this movie. They definitely tried to capitalize on the character of Jack Sparrow, and that failed miserably because (1) he was written as such a weak character in this movie, and (2) because of that, the other characters were as weak, if not weaker.

I fear a Matrix syndrome coming on: first one is great, second one was awful, and the third one is the worst of all. I'm undecided right now as to whether or not I'll actually shell out another $8 to see the last one when it comes out. If I do, it will only be after a lot of time reading reviews.

C'est chaud! The RevGalBlogPals Friday Five

1. What's the high temperature today where you are?

The high is projected to be 94. Currently, it is 88, but with the humidity, it feels like 95.

2. Favorite way(s) to beat the heat.

Ice cream! Other than that, I enjoy laying on my bed like a lump and watching TV, drinking lots and lots of water. My apartment doesn't have AC so....yeah.

3. "It's not the heat, it's the humidity." Evaluate this statement.

I think it's true. The humidity can turn an otherwise nice temperature (like 88) into a sweltering sauna (95).

4. Discuss one or more of the following: sauna, hot tub, sweat lodge, warm-stone massage.

Hot tubs are by far the best, especially in the winter. Hot tubs outside are the greatest...and the most fun is getting out of the hot tub, rolling around in the snow, then getting back in the hot tub again. If you've never tried it, you must give it a chance!

5. Hottest you've ever been in your life

I don't think I've ever encountered heat like this on a consistent basis ever before in my life. So...this summer for me!

Non-temperature related bonus: In your opinion... who's hot?

The honest truth? Patrick Stewart. Hands down!

Oooooohhhhmmmmm....

I did real, honest-to-goodness yoga this morning. Before today, I've had only minimal exposure to this discipline; as part of my chant class during my senior year of college, we did a couple of weeks of yoga while we studied Hindu chant. I enjoyed it back then, even though half the time I was redoing the poses because I would lose my balance. I remembered some of the poses, and the instructor this morning said I did really well. I'd really love to do this more because it's a great way to destress and get ready for the day. I think I'll start it once the school year starts, because more people are in the class (which makes the price each individual person has to pay go down).

I was actually surprised how relaxing it is, given the fact that one is contorted into all sorts of near-impossible positions. The one that gives me the most problems is Downward Facing Dog, which is unfortunate because it is used so often. Those hamstrings get pretty tight, and I definitely can't get my heals to stay flat on the floor. Heck, normally, it's tough for me to touch my toes, I'm that unflexible. Something to work toward, I suppose.

What's wrong with this picture?

I accompanied my roommate to Target today, and as we were cutting through the sleepweare/intimates section, I saw a young girl of no more than 12 with her mother. This girl pointed at this purple and black laced strapless bra with a matching thong and said, "Look at this! Isn't this cute?"

Is it just me, or is this just plain wrong?